Palladium Open House and Going home
I got back late monday from a trip to Michigan to an Open House thrown by Palladium Books, an role-playing game company that I'm a fan of.
It also happens to be just outside of my home town of Detroit, which I have not visited in a year.
All in all it was one of the most relaxing times I've had in about a year, maybe more.
Rae and I drove across country on a trip that took over 8 hours. We could have flown, but I had this huge sword and print from Lord of the Rings that I wanted to give my mother. The sword was a huge two-handed replica of the swords used by the Nazgul, and the print was Eowyn vs the Witch King, my mother's favorite part of the Lord of the Rings novels.
Also, I knew rae and I would buy plenty of swag at the Open House.
We got there late Thursday night, checked in and collapsed.
Friday was spent with my family, mainly my mother and grandmother. We went down to the Motor City Casino and came out in the black. Then I went to see both my grandfathers.
My grandfather on my father's side, I learned, had developed Parkinson's disease and was in physical rehabilitation. He is 84. I promised that I would come back on Sunday night and see him along with my cousins.
Then we went to the VIP night at the open house and I got to meet the creator of Palladium Books, Kevin Siembieda. I really would like to work for this guy, and this company, so I brought a bunch of book ideas and potential projects. He seemed genuinely interested in the projects and I'll be pushing that as far as I can take it.
We did some shopping that night, expecting that if we waited until Saturday all the best stuff would be gone.
I'm not going to get into details about what we got, but let's just say I indulged myself on some reliving some old childhood memories.
I also got to meet a lot of people whom I have only talked to online before that night, which was a lot of fun. It's funny what kinds of mental images you develop for people and how jarring it is when they don't fit them. I'm not even sure where we get the information to build the images for people that we have in our minds. It is a phenonemon that is solely, I think, the creation of the internet: Building a mental image of someone that you interact with regularly, without ever seeing an actual picture of them, or perhaps a still photo or two.
On saturday it was a lot more smoozing, shopping and just hanging out with cool people. Don't know how to describe it really beyond that. On the boards where this is best known the details are already covered in depth.
I guess what was pivotal for me was SUnday night, when I actually got to see my grandfather, which I guess is what this post is really about.
He looked terrible. he could hardly speak and I'm not really sure whether he recognized me or not. He was bone-thin, and incoherent, trembling under the effects of Parkinson's disease.
I don't think I was mentally ready for it. I didn't expect it. It shook me up for the rest of the evening, even though I think I covered it fairly well.
This was a very strong man in my youth. Although he always seemed to be old in my youthful eyes, it never struck me that he could get any older, and so frail.
They say he can recover quite a bit with therapy and good care, but it is so hard to envision after seeing him like that.
You know what's strange? I've been going through this...well, fear....of death over the last few months. I think it's because I've come to realize my mortality in a very real way. The thing is, that visit to my grandfather impacted that, but I'm not quite sure how yet. One part of me would rather pass on than live incapacitated. Another part of me, the dominant part of my psyche I think, would cling to whatever faint spark of life that I had for as long as possible. He is supposed to come home today, and that's good. Recover or not, I'd rather have him there at home surrounded by family than in that rehabilitation center.
Sorry if I'm not as clear as I usually am, I'm still sorting out my feelings on this one.
It also happens to be just outside of my home town of Detroit, which I have not visited in a year.
All in all it was one of the most relaxing times I've had in about a year, maybe more.
Rae and I drove across country on a trip that took over 8 hours. We could have flown, but I had this huge sword and print from Lord of the Rings that I wanted to give my mother. The sword was a huge two-handed replica of the swords used by the Nazgul, and the print was Eowyn vs the Witch King, my mother's favorite part of the Lord of the Rings novels.
Also, I knew rae and I would buy plenty of swag at the Open House.
We got there late Thursday night, checked in and collapsed.
Friday was spent with my family, mainly my mother and grandmother. We went down to the Motor City Casino and came out in the black. Then I went to see both my grandfathers.
My grandfather on my father's side, I learned, had developed Parkinson's disease and was in physical rehabilitation. He is 84. I promised that I would come back on Sunday night and see him along with my cousins.
Then we went to the VIP night at the open house and I got to meet the creator of Palladium Books, Kevin Siembieda. I really would like to work for this guy, and this company, so I brought a bunch of book ideas and potential projects. He seemed genuinely interested in the projects and I'll be pushing that as far as I can take it.
We did some shopping that night, expecting that if we waited until Saturday all the best stuff would be gone.
I'm not going to get into details about what we got, but let's just say I indulged myself on some reliving some old childhood memories.
I also got to meet a lot of people whom I have only talked to online before that night, which was a lot of fun. It's funny what kinds of mental images you develop for people and how jarring it is when they don't fit them. I'm not even sure where we get the information to build the images for people that we have in our minds. It is a phenonemon that is solely, I think, the creation of the internet: Building a mental image of someone that you interact with regularly, without ever seeing an actual picture of them, or perhaps a still photo or two.
On saturday it was a lot more smoozing, shopping and just hanging out with cool people. Don't know how to describe it really beyond that. On the boards where this is best known the details are already covered in depth.
I guess what was pivotal for me was SUnday night, when I actually got to see my grandfather, which I guess is what this post is really about.
He looked terrible. he could hardly speak and I'm not really sure whether he recognized me or not. He was bone-thin, and incoherent, trembling under the effects of Parkinson's disease.
I don't think I was mentally ready for it. I didn't expect it. It shook me up for the rest of the evening, even though I think I covered it fairly well.
This was a very strong man in my youth. Although he always seemed to be old in my youthful eyes, it never struck me that he could get any older, and so frail.
They say he can recover quite a bit with therapy and good care, but it is so hard to envision after seeing him like that.
You know what's strange? I've been going through this...well, fear....of death over the last few months. I think it's because I've come to realize my mortality in a very real way. The thing is, that visit to my grandfather impacted that, but I'm not quite sure how yet. One part of me would rather pass on than live incapacitated. Another part of me, the dominant part of my psyche I think, would cling to whatever faint spark of life that I had for as long as possible. He is supposed to come home today, and that's good. Recover or not, I'd rather have him there at home surrounded by family than in that rehabilitation center.
Sorry if I'm not as clear as I usually am, I'm still sorting out my feelings on this one.
posted by Dark Lord at 7:24 PM
3 Comments:
Dude, I'm sorry about your grandfather and understand what you mean. Though my grandfather doesn't have anything big, the problems my grandmother have are weighing on him heavily. It definately is a difficult pill to swallow to see loved ones like that really start downhill.
DL,
I am sorry to hear about your grandfather having Parkinson's. My grandmother is afflicted with the same disease. It is hard to watch someone go through it (I see my grandmother daily for visits). The way I deal with it is by remembering the way she used to brush my hair when I was little. Along with how much love & support she gave me and my siblings. Now, I do the same for her.
Anyway, I am glad you were able to visit him even though it was hard. Just remember to keep the picture of the strong man in your mind and know that he is still there. Hugz.
Try to enjoy the life he lived. Remember the man you love and looked up to. Life ends. We die. IT's part of what makes life so sweet when we do have it. Let his life continue to teach you lessons for your own life. And when the times comes...cry for his passing but smile because at least one person was touched by his life...and that would be you.
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